Busy Life

I have 3 words that best describe this weekend; busy, busy, busy! Friday I jumped off the wagon and didn't look back until this morning. 3 day of random eating...

Friday started off on the right track. Made it through to lunch with a slimfast and a subway sandwich. It was after lunch that it all gets a little hazy. We had a Back 2 School distribution to do. I was out running an errand and was super hungry. In and Out called to me and I answered the call. After picking up some snacks for the teen night, I hung out downstairs with teens waiting to get their school supplies, trying to keeping them occupied we ate the snacks. Went out to dinner with friends after and ate some more. My tummy was not happy with me by the end of the night.

Saturday we headed to family camp and once again I started off with the best of intentions. For breakfast I ate fruit. For snack, ate some more fruit. At lunch I was already tired, so I just grabbed what was on the table. Dinner, a few hours later, I was even more tired so I grabbed the foods that I liked. Only ate a 1/4 of my burger, but had 2 brownies and all the other stuff too. Had to go grocery shopping, picked out healthy food for myself and then went to McDonalds for some french fries and a diet coke.

Sunday did the healthy breakfast, but that was as far as I made it. I knew my day would be busy and semi long again, so I just ate food that was convenient and fast.

I know there were different choices I could have made when it came to some meals, but business and tiredness got the best of me.

Today I am trying to get myself back on track, but even as I sit here now I want to just give in. How do you beat the feeling to give in? I am going to try my hardest not to, but not sure how it will turn out.

God, give me your strength! I don't want to keep eating like this. I need your help! Amen

Hallelujah!

I was and am still happy that I made it through yesterday without giving up and giving in to the temptation to just eat whatever I felt like eating. I was beyond exhaustion, I was super hungry and still managed to make and eat a healthier version of enchiladas. I also decided to even take a walk on the treadmill. For me this was a big deal. Most of the time when this kind of day or lack of sleep happens I just go for what it easy. I was determined not to give in. It also helped that I asked for God's help. I relied on His strength.

Last night I did get more sleep, although my body today is still saying that it was not enough. Managed to sleep 7 hours this time. Still had a hard time falling asleep. Hoping that this sleeplessness will pass.

Today seems to be going by quickly. Wednesday's are my longest day of the week. Start the morning off with an early (at least for me) staff meeting and don't finish until chapel is over in the evening. This week I am better prepared for healthier eating. Packed my lunch up with a snack for mid-day and plan to squeeze in a salad at the ARP for another "snack". Tonight's dinner at home is the rest of my enchiladas. I am looking forward to dinner!

I know this may not be the most interest blog you have ever read, but thank you for taking the time to read it. Thank you for your continuing encouragement. I post here so that I can help keep running an honest program, and your support means a lot.

God, thank you for the friends and family that you have placed in my life. Thank you for there encouragement and support in this journey to be healthier. Help me to continue to rely on you and find rest in you. - Amen

Beyond tired

The old me from a last week would have given up on healthy eating when I am this tired, but the new me from this week is determined not to let it convince me to give in.

I have no idea why, but for some reason I could not sleep last night. It took forever to fall asleep. Brain was not super busy, body was tired, didn't sleep in the morning before. I just could not sleep. By the time I did fall asleep it was somewhere around 2:30/3:00 am. The little sleep I did get at this point was not restful. I kept having strange dreams. And no there were no drugs (sleep meds, prescription or otherwise) involved. Around 5:20 I found myself awake. About 15 minutes later my TMJ starting hurting. Don't know if it was the allergies that triggered it, or I was clenching my teeth in those couple hours of sleep? So at that point the pain was helping hinder any sleep I could have gotten before I needed to be up for work.

Here I am now, tired. Everything is tired, body, mind, eyes, etc. Not sure how I am going to make it work, but I am still planning to work out on at least the treadmill, and eat a healthy dinner. Pray that I make it! I have learned through my years that I do not function well on little to no sleep. It is only through Christ that I am not grumpy as well.

Lord, help me hang in there today. Thank you for your strength, and wisdom. Let me sleep soundly tonight, because tomorrow is another busy day. - Amen

Sparkpeople

I have started using sparkpeople.com again. For those of you who haven't checked it out it is a free healthy living program that helps you track what you've eaten, how much you've exercised and has many helpful articles, blogs, & suggestions. I use the nutrition tracker and the exercise tracker daily (at least so far). When you start you enter in your height and weight and they tell you where you fall on the BMI scale. You then enter how much you would like to loose and by when and they give you a suggested calorie, fat, carb, and protien range. They can also suggest how much exercise you need to get. For those of you who are dealing with health issues they have suggestions, helps, and recommendations for you too!

I know this is only my second full day using the program, but I was able to do use it successfully before, losing 80lbs. I am excited about the possibilities with using this program again. It may not work for you, but I know it works for me.

I have also started using the treadmill at the house. 2 days in a row of doing a mile. For someone who was capable, but not active it is a good start. Tonight I also want to try using my Leslie Sansone Walking DVD again. She is a good, positive, Christian woman who seems to motivate me.

Now that I have reached my goals of starting sparkpeople and using the treadmill, I do need to come up with new goals. I have a goal shirt and a goal pair of capris in my closet. My goal is to be able to fit into both by Officer's Councils. That gives me a little more than a month, but both pieces of clothing are only a size or 2 off of what I currently wear, which is attainable.

My goals for the next 49 days are:

1. To stick with the sparkpeople program
2. To continue to exercise daily
3. To be able to fit into the new shirt for Officer's Councils
4. To be able to fir into the capris by Officer's Councils

God, help me to continue on this journey of getting healthier. Please give me your strength to make it through each day. - Amen

Last day of this vacation

So here we are... the last day of vacation... It was a good vaca and while I wish I could continue to be on vacation, I am glad to be going back back to work. There is only so much lazing around that I can do. I did so much sleeping in that here I am still awake at 1:18am. Tomorrow (today) I have my alarm set so that I can go to bed at a decent hour. Mike and I got to enjoy spending time together. Didn't go far, but had fun doing all the things we don't seem to have as much time for.

Mike and I also recently celebrated our 12th anniversary. I am blessed to have a husband like Mike. I don't know how to say it without sounding cliche, but he completes me. He is my other half. Where I am a little weaker, he seems to have more strength. We he is weaker, I am a little stronger. He is my best friend, he is a man of God, and I love him!

This week was also our dog Sampsons 6th year with us. We let him have a special treat to celebrate. Bella has been with us 5 and 1/2 years. She got to share in Sammy's celebration. I know they both enjoyed having us home this week. They are pretty good dogs.

So tomorrow (today) I am going to restart keeping track of what I eat, my weight and how much I exercise using a program called Spark People @ Sparkpeople.com. I have used the program before and lost 80lbs. I am also going to start using my exercise dvds again. They have been great dust collectors, but no more. Tonight I squeezed in a 1 mile walk on the treadmill and felt pretty good.

God help me not only get back on track to living healthier, but help me stick to it! - Amen.

Sugar Free Jello!

Yes I know it is a strange title for today. I am actually eating a cup of it right now! Even better is that it only has 10 calories, and no fat!!! And other than letting you know that that the past 5 days have had there ups and downs I am not going to spend my blog time today talking about what I ate.

I do have one food related question, however. What do you do when your options seem limited? None of the food is what you would call healthy, and you don't want to be rude to your host, what are options? After giving this a little thought I have come up with a few answers. If you have a hamburger or hotdog, skip the bun; save on the carbs and extra calories. Eat smaller portions! Don't go back for seconds, unless it is offensive and even then keep the first ideas in mind. Choose the healthier drink; none available, choose water. There are probably others that you could think of.

Other tips for eating healthier... One of the biggest that I have learned and still continue to learn is not to deny yourself. Sounds strange, I know, but I don't mean go out and eat everything available; that is no where near healthy eating. What you can do is have a smaller portion. Say you really want a piece of Cheesecake and that is all you have been drooling about for the past week. You can't get it out of your head. Don't completely deny yourself. If you do then you will probably cheat, try to hide it and then decide since the whole day is ruined that you can go ahead and fully blow it. Instead, save yourself the guilt, self loathing, and wallowing and get a cheesecake, but eat it smartly. Share it with friends. Cut it into a smaller piece and give the rest to someone else. Eat a portion and freeze the rest for another day. Maybe your just craving the taste? Buy the 100 Calorie version or cheesecake bites. If you do it smartly you really can have your cheescake and eat it to.

Lord, help me eat smarter!

Stumbled somemore

Okay it was not a good day in the voyage to eating healthy. Discipline???? I threw her out the window....bad me... No excuses, just an explanation. Yesterday we hosted a Chamber Mixer at the Corps, with all the set up, prep, and just being at the event I was exhausted. Didn't eat horribly bad at the mixer. Where it all went wrong was today. At our 1st of 6 Back to school distributions I was in charge of keeping tabs of what clients spent at the thrift store. Somewhere around lunch time my husband got ahold of me on the radio and asked if I wanted something from McDonald's as he was there. Now let me note that this was in no way his fault. I could have asked for a salad, but at this point I was facing a long line, endless adding, and pure exhaustion and I in no way wanted to think about other options. Didn't even let the "salad" word enter my mind. Instead I blurted out cheese burger meal. My husband was sweet enough to remember the diet coke! Then came dinner.... After finishing the event and then heading out to do a much needed shopping trip so that we could the rest of the week, I was in no way gonna make dinner. I told Mike that I could go out to eat and choose something healthy. I think I was lying to myself, because as soon as he asked, "Can you find something healthy to eat at Olive Garden?", all thoughts of health were no where to be found. Once again I do not blame Mike, because there is a health fare option at the OG, but I didn't even look at that page.

Now you know the truth. I do not count myself down and out. I stumbled, but I refuse to stay down. Tomorrow we will find discipline, apologize to her and let her do her job once more.

Choices, choices, choices.

So I kinda made it through another day of healthy eating. I actually didn't do as bad as I could of. If you read the last post you know that I am trying to be disciplined in what I eat and how much I exercise. I actually was able to stick to it for the most part.

I started the day off with a slim fast (this actually works for me). I usually skip breakfast anyway and slim fast at least gets something in my stomach.

At lunch I also had a slim fast. On Wednesdays it is Home League lunch, so this area was a little harder to be disciplined, but I skipped the yummy smelling food and had another slim fast and a 100 Calorie Cheesecake snack (I didn't want to feel like I was missing out on desert). I will be doing the slim fast at least for the next few weeks, until I can get my body used to eating the smaller, healthier potions. It also helps keep me disciplined and able to withstand temptation a little easier.

Since Wednesdays are a longer day for me at the corps, I went to the ARP dinner and ate just a salad. I only put in the veggies and used salt and pepper instead of dressing, yeah me! The salad helped keep me going until dinner. Being hungry and tired makes for a grumpy Rachel and I didn't want to go into chapel with a grumpy attitude.

Speaking of dinner that is where I didn't fully stick to the plan, but I didn't fully give in either. Mike and I went out to eat with a friend and I chose and omelet, french fries, and english muffin, and ranch dressing... I was so tired by this point in my day that it was getting harder to stay disciplined. I was happy that I didn't choose something worse, but knew I could have skipped those sides and got something healthier. I did however drink water, so it wasn't a total waste of self control. I could have easily said hand over the soda and no one gets hurt, but gave it a second thought and realized that water would be a better option.

Knowing what I ate may not interest you at all, but as the guys in the ARP say it helps me run an honest program. I don't want to hide and be a closet eater. I know I have an addiction to food and blogging about it, talking about it with a friend, or even drinking slim fast help me in this process of letting go of the addiction and letting God fill that space.

Unlike some other addictions, I can't give up food, but with God's help it at least doesn't have to control me.

Take 32

So I have been a little more conscious in what I eat the last few days. I haven't posted anything yet about it because I want to make sure it is not just the same old song and dance. I know that wanting it isn't enough, neither is having every reason in the world to be healthier. It is going to require that little thing called discipline.

What got me even thinking back in the direction of my health are those late night fitness video infomercials. Watching them and realizing at my current physical fitness level I wouldn't even survive some of those moves. Now don't get me wrong there are some moves that would just be difficult no matter what, and they are made that way, but I am talking about the simpler moves that should be easy to do but there is no way I could do them.

So here I start from the beginning again. Knowing full well that it is going to take a lot discipline. My current goals are not necessarily to lose the weight, but to be able to maintain my current healthy living program consisting of both eating healthier and using the treadmill in my house and walking videos.

What I would ask of you is support and prayer. I know that first and foremost that I need to fully rely on God. I can not do this without him. Secondly your encouraging words and support mean a great deal. It is that tangible voice that spurs me on to continue.

I don't wish to be supermodel thin, I just want to start taking care of the this temple the Lord gave me....

1 down 1 to go

For those of you who have been paying attention to my health concerns, here is the next chapter of the health chronicles....

Went to the ENT today. What interest one doctor is not what necessarily what interest the next. Don't worry there will be further progress on the thyroid, but what seemed to catch the ENT interest was the pain that I am still having in my jaw and the fact that my tonsils were a little swollen. Thank goodness there is no scheduled tonsillectomy in my future. He briefly asked if I get strep often, but we didn't stay on that subject for long. He wanted to figure out what was causing the pain in my jaw. He directed me down the hall to the Ear Tester. After several words I had to repeat back, and trying to hear the tones, I headed back to hear what he had found out. My hearing is normal. This then prompted him to hand me a paper to see a TMJ Therapist. Yep TMJ has been the culprit of all the jaw and neck pain. After that mystery was finally solved, we discussed the initial reason I was sent to see him...my thyroid. Sorry no news yet on what it may or may not be. He mentioned that two of the bumps are 2 small to biopsy, so there will be visit to Ultra Sound Tech in my future. The 3rd bump, however needs to have a fine needle biopsy done on it. Before this can happen insurance has to once again approve and I have to visit the lab and give more blood. Going to give blood tomorrow, so we can get this process rolling. Not looking forward to any kind of needle in my neck, but still am wanting to know what it may be so that we can take the next step. Also going to call the TMJ Therapist, so that we can get the pain in my jaw resolved.

So continue to keep me in your prayers please.

Tonsils and Thyroids...

Okie Dokie with Mike recovering from his tonsilectomy I have been a little sidetracked. I feel bad for him. He is having such a hard time with this. Make sure to keep him in your prayers. He spent the first day throwing up, and then once the hospitals make you feel better drugs wore off, he was no longer feeling better. I have spent the last few day filling up ice packs, making sure docs rules are followed. Today he had a bit of a scare. I was out taking photos for the National Day of Prayer, he was at home and he started bleeding. It was enough to be dripping down his face. He quickly began sucking on ice chips like the doctor said and the bleeding stopped. I am trying to keep an eye that this doesn't happen again. So far since then he has been laying down and trying to sleep.

In thyroid news... I was waiting to get approval to see and ENT to figure out what the next steps are. The insurance approved the ENT yesterday and I called to set up an appointment. I was told the earliest I could get in was the 26th of this month. While I was not excited about this, at least it is not the 4 month wait for the other test. They called back this morning after reading my paperwork and have moved up the appointment to the 16th. Not sure what caused the closer date, but grateful for it. I just want to find out what it is that is growing on my thyroid.

I haven't completely given up on eating healthy, with all this health stuff, I have so not been focused on it at all. I notice I still have some healthy habits that I hang on to, but am only doing it out of habit. Hopefully I will be able to focus soon...

Thyroid Chronicles

So for those of you who are keeping tabs on what is going on with my thyroid, here it is...

So I thought after a conversation with the tech at the Drs. office yesterday I would be playing the waiting game. I was told by the tech at the hospital that I would be unable to take the thyroid uptake scan for another two months because I had recently had a ct scan in which they use the same dye. From what I understood they can not give you the dye that often due to whatever it is made of. So needless to say I was upset when the dr's office tech told me I needed to wait, but with some thought came to the conclusion that if they were willing to wait the 2 months it must not be super serious. A friend earlier in the day said that when they found her lump, she was getting it removed within two weeks. I still hoped for the quick answer, the thought that it must not be that serious brought some relief.

When we came home last night, my husband noticed a missed call from the doctors office, the time stamp said that it came after the conversation I had already had with them. It was to late in the day to reach them, so we waited for morning. Mike and I are both being seen by the same doctor so we were not even sure who they were calling for. So Mike called this morning to find out what the call was about. They were calling to find out why I hadn't gone to the hospital and gotten the uptake scan yet. Both Mike and I were now wondering what was going on. Mike gave them the whole story again. They said that they would call back after telling the doctor this and talking to the lab. They called back and asked if I was currently taking radiation. Someone had written it down in my file? Made sure it was clear that I was not taking any kind of treatment, especially since what is growing on my thyroid hasn't been diagnosed yet. So after a few phone calls, everyone finally understood what was going on.

The doctors office called back a couple of hours later and said that they had two options for me. One was to see and ENT Specialist and to possibly proceed on with the needle biopsy or to wait what we found out would actually need to be 4 months for the uptake scan. In talking to the dr's office it was clear that neither them or I thought that waiting 4 months was the smart thing to do. So I am now waiting for an approval from insurance to see the ENT that they will be recommending. While I am still not a fan of waiting...this wait will at least be a bit shorter than 4 months.

Please keep praying for me.

Going Crazy!!!

Stuck inside my head...thankfully God is with me there too. I have realized in this process of finding out what the bumps on my thyroid is, I am not good at waiting. God is helping me through this process, but it is still hard to wait. I don't want anymore test or waiting to find out if insurance will approve the next test, I just want the bumps out... If they leave them in I am just going to wonder if they will eventually cause me problems (if they aren't already)...Pray for me please....

An eventful week

So this past week was a crazy ride. Saturday night I was leaning against my hand and somehow when I moved it against my face I damaged a gland under my chin. It was a sharp tearing pain that lasted only a few seconds. I thought I had maybe pulled a muscle (this thought was pre diagnosis). It was a little achy, but I didn't give it much thought. The next night however, the pain was getting increasingly worse. So last Sunday night headed to the ER. After waiting a while I was seen by a doctor who ordered a CT scan to make sure I hadn't done serious damage. I was in and out of the CT scan within minutes. I understand why they may keep the room cool, because with the stuff they injected I was warm. Waited a little while longer for the results from the scan. The doctor came in and now was less concerned with what I done to my jaw, obviously there was damage, but nothing to serious. He was now concerned with the bump he had found on my thyroid and the fact that my lymph nodes were swollen due to an unknown infection.

Even though he was as nice as he could be it, the words coming out of his mouth were hard to hear. My mind instantly jumped to my mom and her battle with Cancer. Could this be? This thought was quickly relieved by a peace that no matter what God would hold my hand all the way no matter what it was; after all he hadn't said that I had cancer, he just said there was a bump. He sent me home with a prescription for antibiotics and a pain killer and recommended that I go see my doctor.

Tuesday afternoon I was in my doctors office. She said that I damaged a gland. She sent me on to a lab to get blood work done and also began the process to get a ultra sound done on my thyroid. Was in and out of the lab. The waiting to know what it is, still continued. Let me tell you that while I still had peace about the outcome, it is still hard to wait. I tried to focus on work and not on the medical stuff.

Wednesday at our Women's Health class, the group prayed for me (there were others already praying as well). Then we worked out a little bit. Let me just tell you that exercise bands look harmless, but my arms were sore after the work out.

Friday I received a copy of the blood results and was happy to find that all test were normal. My white cells are normal, I do not have diabetes (something my mom aslo had), and a bunch of results all normal. While this doesn't clear up all the questions it is a good start.

This coming Tuesday is the ultra sound. They are going to be checking to see if it is hollow or dense? I will leave all the technical stuff up to the docs and the technicians. Me I continue to be at peace. My God is bigger than cancer, and he can hold my hand if it ever comes down to that.

On other health news, I tried a little harder this week, but still didn't eat that well. There were some good choices made and some not so good choices. Pizza is my downfall. I can not say no to it's cheesy goodness. But I did work out this week, so just maybe I burned off a few of those calories....

Dot, dot, dot

Needed to be two places at once today. Community Care Ministries, shared a devotion, song and Easter gift with the residents. Then we played some bingo. Meanwhile a funeral was going on in our building next door. Chaplain was in charge of the service, but we were in charge of the snacks. No problem there. Had more people at the funeral than expected. Came back to the corps to make one more tray. Still not able to be in two places at once, but was able to share in ministry in both places. God is good!!!

On a health note... managed to actually eat breakfast (something I struggle to do daily). Gave in to temptation at lunch. No one's fault but my own. Dinner, was still full from lunch but did eat some Ramen and had a Slurpee. While my choices today were not the best, I did eat less than I normally do. It's a start....

This ones for Carol

Carol, thanks for encouraging me to blog. I got your request on Facebook a while ago and have finally gotten around to doing it. I think it took me so long, because I don't feel like I have a lot to say, at least not what may interesting to someone else. But, none the less, you inspired me to at least put something on here.

So another group of women that have at least got me thinking about my health is the new Women's Health Class lead by Mrs. Joan after Home League on Wednesdays. To be honest I still am not trying as hard as I should with getting healthier, but I am at least thinking about it. For example tonight, I ate a turkey burger with no bread, rice, and asparagus and instead of eating a mega amount of candy (I love chocolate), I only ate one piece of candy. I don't do this for every meal, but now and then I think about Wednesday's and eat just a little bit healthier. I also picked up a scale and a new work out dvd. I have used the scale, but have yet to use the workout dvd. I need a little bit more motivation.

I am not sure what else I want to write, so I am going to stop here...

Rae

There is a million places I could start, but I think I will start with why I chose the nickname Rae (pronounced Ray). The R should be obvious as it begins my name. The A is the second letter in my first name and it is also the beginning of my middle name. Last, but not least is the E. The E is rather important to me. People are always wondering how to spell my name. I always have to remind them that there is only an E, not an AE in Rachel. The E is also important as it ends my middle name. It reminds me of my mom and a movie she liked, where the main character always reminded people of the important E at the end of her name (her first, my middle). So there it is.

I started this blog a while ago so that I could help keep myself accountable. I have been doing a bad job at it. I am so not a blogger. I do not plan to do any challenges. I just simply want a place to be honest about how I am doing, a place to remind me to continue on in the fight, and a place where I can write more than a 2 sentences update.

So how am I doing with eating healthier??? Honestly, I haven't even tried. Some how I managed to lose two sizes in pants, but that most likely was do to stress and the business of the season. I didn't even eat healthy by eating vegetables, or even 3 meals. I ate random, junky meals. However now that I have more time to focus on what I am putting in my mouth, I plan on at least trying.

Oh, and by the way I do not resolve to do anything in the new year. Before you start to worry that I am giving up, let me clarify. I am tired of trying to be one of those people who make resolutions and gives up sometimes rather quickly. Instead I am going to keep trying harder to live the life that God wants me to live.

There is more I can write, but need to stop here. I am in the middle of trying to make dinner and need to get back to it. Thanks for taking the time to read. Leave your thoughts.

Rae